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Ten Tips For Parents
1.
Be clear about your own sexual values and attitudes. Communicating with your
children about sex, love, and relationships is often more successful when you
are certain in your own mind about these issues. To help clarify your attitudes
and values, think about the following kinds of questions:
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What do you really think about school-aged teenagers being sexually active-perhaps even
becoming parents?
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Who is responsible for setting sexual limits in a relationship and how is that done
realistically?
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Were you sexually active as a teenager and how do you feel about that now? Were you
sexually active before you were married? What do such reflections lead you to say to
your own children about these issues?
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What do you think about encouraging teenagers to abstain from sex?
2.
Talk with your children early and often about sex, and be specific. Kids have lots of questions
about sex, and they often say that the source they'd most like to go to for answers is their
parents. Start the conversation, and make sure that it is honest, open, and respectful. If you
can't think of how to start the discussion, consider using situations shown on television or in
movies as conversation starters. Tell them candidly and confidently what you think and why you
take these positions. If you're not sure about some issues, tell them that, too. Be sure to have
a two-way conversation, not a one-way lecture. Ask them what they think and what they know so
you can correct misconceptions. Ask what, if anything, worries them.
Age-appropriate conversations about relationships and intimacy should begin early in a child's
life and continue through adolescence. Resist the idea that there should be just one conversation
about all this - you know, "the talk". The truth is that parents and kids should be talking about
sex and love all along. This applies to both sons and daughters and to both mothers and fathers,
incidentally. All kids need a lot of communication, guidance, and information about these issues,
even if they sometimes don't appear to be interested in what you have to say. And if you have
regular conversations, you won't worry so much about making a mistake or saying something not quite
right, because you'll always be able to talk again.
3.
Supervise and monitor your children and adolescents. Establish rules, curfews, and
standards of expected behavior, preferably through an open process of family discussion
and respectful communication. If your children get out of school at 3 pm and you
don't get home from work until 6 pm, who is responsible for making certain that your
children are not only safe during those hours, but also are engaged in useful activities?
Where are they when they go out with friends? Are there adults around who are in
charge? Supervising and monitoring your kids' whereabouts doesn't make you a nag;
it makes you a parent.
4.
Know your children's friends and their families. Friends have a strong influence on
each other, so help your children and teenagers become friends with kids whose families share
your values. Some parents of teens even arrange to meet with the parents of their children's
friends to establish common rules and expectations. It is easier to enforce a curfew that
all your child's friends share, rather than one that makes him or her different-but even if your
views don't match those of other parents, hold fast to your convictions. Welcome your children's
friends into your home and talk to them openly.
5.
Discourage early, frequent, and steady dating. Group activities among young people are fine
and often fun, but allowing teens to begin steady, one-on-one dating much before age 16 can lead to
trouble. Let your child know about your strong feelings about this throughout childhood. Don't
wait until your young teen proposes a plan that differs from your preferences in this area. Otherwise,
he or she will think you just don't like the particular person or invitation.
6.
Take a strong stand against your daughter dating a boy significantly older than she is. And
don't allow your son to develop an intense relationship with a girl much younger than he is. Older
guys can seem glamorous to a young girl-sometimes they even have money and a car to boot! But the
risk of matters getting out of hand increases when the guy is much older than the girl is. Try
setting a limit of no more than a two- or three- year age difference. The power differences between
younger girls and older boys or men can lead girls into risky situations, including unwanted sex.
7.
Help your teenagers to have options for the future that are more attractive than early pregnancy and
parenthood. The chances that your children will delay sex, pregnancy, and parenthood are significantly
increased if their futures appear bright. This means helping them set meaningful goals for the future,
talking to them about what it takes to make future plans come true, and helping them reach their goals.
Tell them, for example, that if they want to be a teacher, they will need to stay in school in order to earn
various degrees and pass certain exams. It also means teaching them to use free time in a constructive
way, such as setting aside certain times to complete homework assignments. Explain how becoming
pregnant or causing pregnancy can derail the best of plans; for example, childcare expenses can make it almost
impossible to afford college. Community service, in particular, not only teaches job skills, but can also
put teens in touch with a wide variety of committed and caring adults.
8.
Let your kids know that you value education highly. Encourage your children to take school seriously and
set high expectations about their school performance. School failure is often the first sign of trouble that
can end in teenage parenthood. Be very attentive to your children's progress in school and intervene early
if things aren't going well. Keep track of your children's grades and discuss them together. Meet with
teachers, principals, guidance counselors, and coaches. Limit the number of hours your teenager gives to
part-time jobs (20 hours per week should be the maximum) so that there is enough time and energy left to focus on
school. Know about homework assignments and support your child in getting them done. Volunteer at the
school, if possible. Schools want more parental involvement and will often try to accommodate your work
schedule, if asked.
9.
Know what your kids are watching, reading, and listening to. The media is chock full of material sending
the wrong messages. Sex rarely has meaning, unplanned pregnancy seldom happens, and few people having sex ever
seem to be married or even especially committed to anyone. Is this consistent with your expectations and values?
If not, it is important to talk with your children about what the media portrays and what you think about it. If
certain programs or movies offend you, say so, and explain why. Be "media literate"-think about what you and
your family are watching and reading. Encourage your kids to think critically: ask them what they think about
the programs they watch and the music they listen to.
10.
These first nine tips for helping your children avoid teen pregnancy work best when they occur as part of strong,
close relationship with your children that is built from an early age. Strive for a relationship that is
warm in tone, firm in discipline, and rich in communication, and one that emphasizes mutual trust and respect.
There is no single way to create such relationships, but the following habits of the heart can help:
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Express love and affection clearly and often.
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Listen carefully to what your children say and pay thoughtful attention to what they do.
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Spend time with your children engaged in activities that suit their ages and interests, not just yours.
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Be courteous and respectful to your children and avoid hurtful teasing or ridicule.
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Help them to build self-esteem by mastering skills; remember, self-esteem is earned, not given, and one of the
best ways to learn it is by doing something well.
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Try to have meals together as a family as often as possible, and use the time for conversation, not confrontation.
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